It is paradoxical. As we enter this final installment on inner growth out of trauma, I wish I had something “new” to say, but I do not. What is being explored here is talked about continuously. It is the material of human activity. I am exploring it with myself because I need to explore it – for my own neural pathways to open.
Towards a Community of Self
At the end of the day, for the individual personality, it comes down to two words: self-esteem. Who and what you view yourself to be (and do) is what bears fruit in your life. Said projection is the driving force of your choices. Your choices result in the individual experiences that make up your multifaceted life.
According to the wisdom we are suspended inside of: whatever I see in you is in me, also. We are reflections of our subconscious.
“You, as a human being, you know all of this,” to borrow a few words from Jiddu Kristnamurti. I am not telling you anything new.
Applying the Clean Glass Theory
Because he was working with people only two generations from active slavery, Minister Malcolm X periodically became frustrated with his fellow tribal members. He wanted them to grow and transform in Self faster than circumstances, or available resources, permitted.
He was using Dale Carnegie’s “How to Win Friends and Influence People” to teach members of his congregation how to get along with each other. He makes mention of the techniques inside of the Autobiography. It is a favorite Malcolm story of loving someone into harmony with you.
Inside of Harlem were several streets that were crossroads for foot traffic. Malcolm and a few brothers from the Mosque would go fishing, as it was named. Each morning, when it was time for the women to travel towards their domestic jobs, Malcolm stood seeking the face of one particularly grim woman. He worked on her. Each morning he beamed a smile at her and greeted her warmly. The first morning, Malcolm received a grimace for his efforts. The fourth morning, he received a blush. By the ninth morning, he saw expectation on the face of the woman. She was looking forward to seeing him every morning. On the twelfth encounter, she was beaming a smile right back at him. Let Malcolm miss a morning now and he had to hear about it the next day.
And, it is here, in this new space, where Malcolm could begin to teach her how he was able to view her in a different light than she viewed herself.
The story highlights a principle, the Honorable Elijah Muhammad tried to drive into Malcolm’s head. Although the young minister loved to teach on the politics of the day, he needed to focus on cleaning his glass. A clean glass doesn’t need to tell a dirty glass it is dirty. By comparison, the clean glass stands out. The Messenger assured the Brother Minister that if he just maintained a presence among the people, sooner or later they would notice that he wasn’t as sick as they were. When the light bulb brightens inside of a person, then, they become teachable. You must have a consciousness to teach.
I wish I had a better story to share with you, outside of my tribal tradition, to explore the second part of the subject: growth.
If we choose to accept that lovemaking is healing, then, we are left with an act. What happens after the act of healing? The change initiated by the ritual of lovemaking, and/or experience of emotional release, is still at work. The movement is at different parts of Self, parts of Self the central nervous system and frontal cortex don’t process.
Muscles have memory of their own. I would imagine, (remember, this is an exploration), bones have memory also. Every aspect of the human body must have its own version of what powers the entire being enjoys. Cells get bigger and stronger, just like the biceps and triceps of the arms get bigger and stronger when stimulated by exercise. All of you, at the cellular level has to become the “thing” the psychological block was/is preventing.
Because most of the people around you choose to live in and through their trauma, deciding to give up your trauma is going to feel like an isolating experience. Or, better stated, I felt that way. I still feel that way. The false storyline I feed my attention upon is: greater growth is going to create scarcity. I am growing into elitism. The truth is: the very opposite is happening. In the midst of my growing pains, I did not appreciate those who were ahead of me in human development. On the other side of each growth experience is an entire community of persons who are glad you finally showed up to give them new company. Far from isolation, the field is plenty.
Clean glasses are so transparent, light passes right through them. In fact, glass is able to concentrate light into heat. Ask any little boy with a magnifying glass and an ant hill to conquer. Such glasses are needed in an America increasingly bereft of imagination. We need creative genius walking among the people reminding them how great they are.
To qualify, it takes this elusive quality in the human being called courage. Courage is the capacity to initiate an experience despite being filled with fear. Fear is not something to overcome. Nor is it something to avoid. Fear is something we allow to pass through us as parts unknown are awakened and access is granted. It requires a commitment strong enough to choose to remain in the process despite the discomfort.
“My Master, he keeps on telling me / No weak heart shall prosper!” – Bob Marley and the Wailers, Small Axe
It is you, and it must be you as no one can do this work for you, except for you. (Say this sentence in your head as many times as necessary before you believe it. Do not choose to advance further in this communication until you believe the sentence.) Outside motivations do not work. Those are temporary. You must develop a level of self-esteem where you view yourself as valuable enough to leave pain/trauma and embrace a new way of being.
Second, an investment of self-care is necessary to marshall sufficient will to gain possession of your own mind. If you are hungry or distracted by chill, it is hard to focus your attention. Your mind is split because the body is speaking to it, using a loud voice. You must feel safe. You must feel secure. Your basic needs must be more than met.
Third, you must choose to heal yourself so that you can encourage others along their journey. You cannot lead where you have not been. The dark night of the soul is where all the treasure lies. It is the hallways inside the shadow where the lessons are taught. The cathartic moment is the boon, as it grants access to more knowledge of Self.
I just explained the process like growth happens in a linear manner. It does not. Nor, is the process predictable.
We cannot force or control growth.
Some stages may last 20 or 30 years. It depends on how deep the trauma. No one case is the same. Patterns have and do emerge, however, in this discussion we do not have the time for the exploration of those ideas.
Maybe, you would like this experience. There is plenty of work to do. If nothing else, please choose to reach out to me. I can’t be too far ahead of you. All I am choosing to do is write down my experience as it happens.
How well do you esteem yourself? What is your new self-image and role?
Words by Kokayi Nosakhere, who chooses to spend the majority of his time in search of magnificent minds. If you are one of them, please choose to reach out at royalstar907